Emotional Rollercoaster

If life is a road, women’s life then is akin to a rollercoaster rails. Sometimes, we feel like it’s driving us to death that we might just toss out of the wagon and hurl down hitting the rails after one another. But most of the time, we’re just too ‘lucky’ that the cables are safe to hold us up til the end of the sensible wild journey but with a hither and thither of a heart attack. Blame it on the hormone! Remember, the rollercoaster ride is not just for one round.

What’s bothering me so much today? Okay, two classes cancelled, double disappointment but that’s normal, so what? it’s not like I’m very looking forward and all excited about meeting the lecturers nor eager to learn about the topics for today’s classes. Other than that, I don’t think there’s anything else that triggered my life wire. I didn’t realized these changes in mood, I am all fine til Thanesh came grumbling about my performance in pool. Well, then I realized that there’s actually something wrong with me somewhere… it was never about winning the game, but even the grasp of focusing on the cue wasn’t exactly there.

Focusing is not easy. This was the subject matter I discussed with Juli (my jogging friend) last weekend after finishing 12 rounds of dead-beat jog. He suggested me to listen to some music while running as it will intensify my pace and strengthens my stamina, and then he started to tell me all about the yoga and the importance of focusing. It made me realized that I never focus on most of my activities. Even during prayers, I don’t get the khusyuk often. Sometimes I pray to Allah and ask Him for this and that, but at the same time, somewhere in the corner of my mind, I was thinking about something else such as ‘what’s the time now?’, ‘what’s my plan after this?’, and things like that (ntah ape2 ntah..~) It happens during study time as well. I’ll be busy making myself understand into the details of things, but in the end, I will be not quite sure of what the details are all about exactly. Sometimes, I do something just for the sake of doing it and getting it done. After all, it’s not about the quantity that matters, the quality that need to be in concern. For now, I am trying to hold on to these 3 words til I accomplish of mastering it all – Focus, Faith and Fun (yea, I should go enjoy my life more often now as things are getting tougher).

Talking about having fun, I went dinner at The Terrace this evening watching Panji and his liveband performing. Dhea was there too singing all gracefully. They’re only about my age, but seems like nothing much to worry about, and live with the music day and night. How nice~ No wonder Hanson are all good-looking, lively and full of life. Alrite, im starting to crap already. Good night!