Stickwitu

I'm dedicating this song to you for the I-can't-remember-how-many times since I first heard it 4 years back… just because I need to remind myself of you and for you to know.

To be with you is the righteous decision I've made under my utter most genuine sentiment.

And to love you is an unadulterated affection I've ever given to anyone, but you.

Thank you especially for your trust and understanding and for being the most supportive. What more can I say?

To Zhafri, Imma stickwitu!

I don't wanna go another day,
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
Seems like everybody's breaking up
Throwing their love away,
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say…

Nobody gonna love me better
I must stick with you forever.
Nobody gonna take me higher
I must stick with you.
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you, my baby.
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you.

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
See the way we ride in our private lives,
Ain't nobody getting in between.
I want you to know that you're the only one for me
And I say

And now
Ain't nothing else I can need
And now
I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me.
I got you,
We'll be making love endlessly.
I'm with you
Baby, you're with me

So don't you worry about
People hanging around,
They ain't bringing us down.
I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts.

<3

Careful of what you wished for

Last night was among the hectic nights on-call as I was in charge for two wards at a time – Ward 29 and HND unit.

During the Midday Report, no patient from the HND was seriously handed off to me. However, just before the meeting ended, there was a call to inform that two new patients had just been admitted. Oh God, what a hectic start! So I rushed there with the residence to clerk on the patients, which whom had a profuse hematemesis melena a.k.a vomiting of blood and bloody stool, while the other patient was handed to a different doctor.

From the HND, I rushed to ward 29, in which I had to tapper-down the infuse drip and also to observe the patient who was suffering numbers of complications of HIV AIDS. He whom I had to observe every 15 minutes, while I had the bloody patient in HND to report on and 2 patients to ECG. I always thought that I am the kind of organized person, but in yesterday's case, I was confused. Which one first?

Rushing here and there until I realized there was only about 20 minutes left til Maghrib ended. Took off my coat and straight away to the tiny cubicle behind the HND to pray. For once, I felt relief. I prayed to Allah if He could make my work a little bit lighter for the night. Just few seconds after that, I heard cries and howls outside the room. I guessed so, must be one of the patients died.

Actually, one of the two new patients died. In another word, I only left with only one patient to highly observed on. Alhamdulillah, ringan sikit kerja!

Don't get me wrong, I felt sorry for the loss of the other patient, but I believe that it was just her time to go because I'm sure the residence doctor already tried her best to help.

If that was the way Allah answered to my prayer, I must say "Hmm.. that was fast!"

Nabilah

One of the nights during my on-call, I was monitoring on a severely ill old woman, with her family all around surrounding the bed. This was the patient I blogged about, the screechy old woman who screeched every half a minute, however she was already on coma that night (thus, the ward was calmer and the other 37 patients no longer had to suffer from a deafening nights).

As I was probing on her pulse, I realized that two of her daughters who were sitting opposite of me are whispering to each other probably gossiping about me in Jawa language (as if I don't understand…) and probably trying to read my nametag. Then one of them said,

"Dokter Nabilah"

"Ngih?" I replied 'yes' in Jawa.

Both of them laughed, surprised that I could too speak in Jawa perhaps.

"Nanti anak saya ta namain 'Nabilah' juga" (Later I'll name my daughter by the name Nabilah)

"Oh ya? Kenapa?"

"Biar nanti dia bisa jadi dokter juga"

Well, I don't think I have met any doctors by the same name as mine…

"Nama apa-apa juga bisa jadi dokter kok bu…" as I was ensuring her that doctors aren't made by their names.

Then, she replied,

"Maksud saya, biar dia bisa jadi dokter cantik seperti dokter Nabilah"

*smile*

Hold on, did I just heard she said 'cantik'???! Only God knows how kembang I was that time!

So, that was part of the story…

Later that night at around 1:50am while I was reading on my table, one the sons came complained that their mother was panting. The nurses helped me got the resuscitation equipments and I called up the residence. After few minutes of chest compression and ventilation, the mother was gone. Al-Fatihah~

Iota #20 – Time

I finally have time to…

Changed my bedsheet after a month

Replace a new toothbrush after 2 months

Swept the floor after a week

Arranged the clothes into my wardrobe after 2 weeks the laundry-man delivered

Tied up the trash bag after I-can't-remember-how-many weeks

Refill the dehumidifier beads after 2 months

Refill the cereal in the jar

Go for groceries shopping to stocked up cartons of fresh milk for breakfast

Phew~

I thank God so much that I still have time for showers at least twice a day, shampoo at least once in two days and do everything that human does for living.

Sometimes in the morning I wake up, it reminds me of my sweet old days during school. I don't mind waking up in the morning, but how I wish I were home. When I got all ready to school, Kak Ati would have the breakfast prepared on the table, then I would take my own sweet time eating breakfast. However now, things are not the same anymore.

Now, I woke up by the alarm clock. There is not much time for me to get ready for work because the time for my self-preparation is now divided into two, which one is for preparing breakfast. Therefore, despite of how important breakfast is for me, the most I can prepare are hot milo and toasted bread. Or else, I would only get a bowl of cereal in lotsa milk.

I'm thinking, by the time I start working, half of my first salary I would save to hire a maid to help me manage my daily activities (more like a PA perhaps, hehe) and I would also invest big money on a very good coffee maker machine. I'm starting to love coffee.

Coffee smells the best in the morning after you get out of the shower.

p.s : going off to Surabaya tomorrow! Edward I'm coming…~

Chewing on time

Can't believe that I just went through a crazy 60-hour life at the hospital (merely home for showers)!!!

Overall, it was a good one. Maybe I wouldn't mind repeating it! It had only been for 2 nights since I last laid myself onto my missed-most bed, but it feels like forever!

To answer to most frequent asked question – yes, I did have some sleep, there in one of the rooms that is especially allocated for the interns. Besides, I had a few power naps too whenever I feel like it.

Makan?!

The 60-hour has awaken the ugly hungry beast inside of me and for a moment, I forgot about what its called 'fat'. I eat and snacks whenever I had the time to. The nurses always have a feast of foods on the table for everyone, from kerepek, biscuits, cakes to even fritters.

Not to mention, Dr.Fren has always got something for me whenever she sees me on-call. On Wednesday evening, she brought me es degan and buah salak when I came to meet her at the residences' hall. Initially, I had a homework to be done, so she supposedly find me some books to read. Besides, she just got a DSLR camera and got excited about exploring her new toy. Ended up, we both put the DSLR on the tripod and start to pose on crazy pictures together (yeah in the residences' hall).

Yesterday, under the hot scorching sun, she called me up to hang up in her fully air-conditioned car (there is not aircond in the hospital). It was a quick short break, but was really a relief to finally get to sit on a proper cushioned seat in an air-conditioned space. Then she took out a box of cute cakes, cupcakes, éclairs and swiss rolls she just bought from The Sisters. Whoa makan makan makan before we both went off for duty.

Oh yea, of course we had some chat which was mainly about my exhausting hours and condemned morning report with Dr.H that morning. I'm glad that as a junior intern in the department, I have her as a senior specialist residence (which is more as a friend) to guide me around.

That evening, when only on-callers was left behind to the wards, Zana sms-ed. She asked if I am going back for dinner, since my housemates were cooking. They made tomyam and kuih keria! Then I rushed home for dinner. Yummmmmy~

This evening, after my 60-hour, we went to Confetti for ice creams and dinner! BuRrrrp*

Ngantuk! To be continued…

Issues

Since I don't have much time to write a proper post, I guess this video says apart of me.

The Saturdays I love~

I'll be in the hospital for approximately 60 hours starting tomorrow (til Friday). So catch you back on this Saturday!

Mom’s Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!

Mom just called. Wait, let me rephrase that – I called mama, and then she called me back. Everyone was there, they just came back from Mama's birthday dinner at Italiannies. Yeah, without me. So what?! *numb*

Who doesn't miss their family when they are living distance apart? – I do.

I realized that my numbness is getting worse as time goes by. I am gradually turning into an android that my heart is as cold as rock. Maybe I am confused, but not sure of what. Maybe I know, but yeah confused still – and I am not looking to detangle this perplexity. Let me be…

Ward 28

This morning around 2:40am, my patient died. She was the reason I stayed awake last night since I had to observe her on every 15 minutes. I didn't quite know her since I took over the ward only for my night shift (how was I expected to study all 36 patients' problems in the ward in one night?).

On my very last observation, her blood pressure dropped to palpatoir til it was totally null. I looked for her respiration and to my surprised that she wasn't in breathing difficulty anymore – I was relief for a nick second before I realized that her respiration rate was only one! Perhaps that was her last breathe!

To cut the story short, I was there when the specialist came to break the bad news to the husband. Then was when I confirmed that she has died. And me, I forgot how I actually felt on that time.

I continue observing other patients with a little fear that the paranoid husband would come and whack me up (since I was the only doctor who was in charge for the ward). He actually did not. However, around 6am after I woke up from my power nap, he ran up to me and thanked me, I remember exactly what he said while his cold hand shook mine. I felt sorry for him, but still I was in emotional disorientation.

*slap me someone please!*

I didn't sleep since 4:30am on Saturday til 10am today and amazingly I wasn't sleepy at all. Perhaps, I found my chi – there in the hospital. I enjoyed attending patients more than anything else and I could actually do that for more than 24 hours without a single whine nor complains, neither a yawn! Good job Bil!

There were just too many things to learn from the patients. They are more interesting than 4 years of lectures, they are perhaps the best teachers.

When I stepped into ward 28 at around 1:30pm yesterday, I prayed hard that everything would be smooth and easy for me. However, after a few steps inward, I heard a loud screechy sound. A post-dialysis old woman with a little mental distress screech of the rate of once every 30 second.

"Ya Allah, yo opo sek cobaan ne eki?!!"

(Ya Allah, how is this test/suffering?)

"Wes loro kabe!!"

(Pain all over)

And she repeated the same sentences over and over and over and over. Sometimes she even read Al-Fatihah in a loud screechy manner. And yeah, she was suppose to be beyond annoying, but I didn't feel anything. Now that I feel funny though~

Saved by their sweetness

After all, my 26 hours at the hospital was a good one. The environment of IPD department is not as bad as it sounds, be it the biggest and longest internship, I am all contented and every sweat is worth every experience and erudition. I am happy.

Supposedly, I promised Dr.Fren to go out lunch with her, however after 'checking-in' into Ward 28, the patients are just too clinch-y to let go of me. I was too busy that I even missed my Asar. However thanks a lot to Dr.Fren who successfully sneaked me out of the ward. She actually called into my ward from the PPDS room's phone and paging for 'koas IPD Ruang 28' (medical's intern) a.k.a ME. Then I had a reason to leave… I went into the PPDS room and found her on the table with a box of KFC!!! She actually called KFC for delivery service! Awww, so sweet doc, I am so flattered~

For my lunch, I was delivered a home-cooked nasi goreng by my housemate! When I was writing down bundles of discharge summary, Sit and Kim came to my ward handed my pink Tupperware filled with warm nasi goreng. Awww, you girls always rock my world! I sangat flattered~

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! Especially to all the patients who have provided me with wider scope of experiences and knowledge, and to all the helpful and caring nurses, supervisors, friends and housemates!

Love

Happy Eid Adha

Happy Eid Al-Adha

Good morning sunny sunshine!~ - at last I was greeted by the glaring ray of sun when I open my eyes.

"Ouh, it's only 6:56am, not even 7 yet. Tidur balik! Tidur balik!"

Just before I could get back into my REM sleep, the phone rang. Zhaf called! How I miss to get his calls when I got up… he just got back from the masjid and about to get back there for the slaughtering process a.k.a korban. Aww… he likes to do the korban ever since I knew him! Ganas + berhati mulianya la bf I ni…

I am happy today. Just because it's a holiday. I love waking up in the morning having nothing to do. For the first time in this week, I got to make up my bed and sweep the floor. Ah, lega~

I'm full now, after gobbling lotsa muttons-on-skew a.k.a sate kambing! yummy! I wish the dinner this evening can last for the whole day tomorrow throughout my 'jaga'. Well, yeah I got jaga a.k.a on-call a.k.a night shift tomorrow, yeah Saturday. Means I'll be in from 5:30am and out at around 7:00am the next morning. That's more than 24 hours of duty!!!

My first jaga shift

Last Wednesday night was my first jaga shift. I am proud to say that it was so good, much better than expected. Maybe I was just lucky that night. Alhamdulillah… amongst the nights of my Ko-as (Dokter Muda) life, that was the night where I slept at the earliest hour. At almost 5 pm I checked-in into ward 27 where 36 out of 40 beds were occupied. Two of which were to be observed.

To cut out the craps, I did get enough sleep. My first On-call was an ease, at least not as bad as been described by the seniors. However I am still anticipating myself physically and mentally for the worse that could ever happen.

Tomorrow is my next jaga. Will be a 19-hour shift, plus the normal Saturday working hour 5:30 am til 12 pm, total is approximately 26 hours.

SEMANGAT!!!!

Dr. Housewife

This morning I woke up with a little bizarre thought in mind. In the shuddering time of almost 5a.m, I got myself in the coldest morning I've ever been into since I can't remember. I stepped into the shower, and my whole body starts to shiver. First thing that came across my mind was… 'I'd rather become a housewife!!!!'.

Astaghfirullahalazim!

Where exactly did I get the idea of becoming a housewife for life?!

Just because housewives don't have 'the office hour' that need them to wake up very early in the morning and got into the shower. Just because housewives won't get fired. Housewives don't have groundward rounds, they don't have to go for patients' follow up, no morning reports, neither do they need to be on-calls. That was when I wished I won't have to continue torturing myself to wake up from my sweet slumber very early in the morning thus whacked up in the icy bath.

Just in time after having the bizarre thought, it suddenly came crossing my mind on how mama does this every morning for the past few decades of her life? Despite of the hot shower back at home, the 'waking up in the dawn' is the worst of all. Thinking of the hardships and determination of my parents in bringing us a living, an abrupt strength empowered me to go on!

Honestly, I was quite excited yesterday about starting my first day of Dokter Muda today. I have graduated my medical degree, I have gone through Panum, I have passed the OSCE, and the next two years of Dokter Muda is just another step closer to my dream.

Come on Bil! Semangat!!! Don't let the freezing morning shower washed your dream off!

p.s : First day in medical department went well. I am going to make myself love to enjoy this for living! Amin!

p.s.s : I think I'm suffering from the morning sickness! lol! related entry : Life Description