Stress-free breakdown

Exams over. Well, not exactly.

Literally it's over – at least for me.

I'm done. Not because I should be done, but I want to get over it. And I always get what I want. Get what I mean?

Maybe I'm doubting… no, I'm not.

Maybe I'm confused… no, I'm sure.

Maybe I'm refusing… no, I determined!

Maybe I'm avoiding… (?)

Maybe I… am just having a stress-free breakdown and it's weird. (tak stress pun masalah gak ke?!)

I need to define this perplexity of mixed odd feelings. The feeling of contentment, not exactly a satisfaction, but the ease is soaring up on a low-pitched-high-frequency. I feel fueled –with hydrogen gas, and am certainly on the brink of floating in the air. I fly!

Weird. For the past 2 days, I've been listening to Frank Sinatra, Dianna Ross, Nat King Cole, Micheal Buble, The Carpenters, The Supremes, Grease soundtrack and all those dead people deadly dwindling my ears. What has gotten into me??! Euh!

Weird. I woke up in the middle of the night. Frenziedly jumped out of my bed, clipped my hair up high and was about to take wuduk and pray. But wait, what was the time again? 3 a.m??! Nak sembahyang ape? I feel senile for a moment. Losing the sense of time. Took off my hairclip, and burying myself back in bed.

There's something wrong with my natural alarm clock in my brain. I woke up at the wrong time, but doing the exact same things I do every single day, rushing up here and there chasing over the high-speed time, ensuring everything is fitting dead on schedule – I was programmed. For God's sake, I should be over my schedule by now! I no more have to wake up and run my ass off around or even stick it on the chair for hours nor neither do I have to think of anything. Yeah, I mean anything! Anything anything! I am free to crawl, creep, drag, and dawdle myself however I wish! I am free!

The books are packed, the notes have been stored away, they can't see me already, and I should not be worried of any awful guilt feelings of abandoning them. Get a life nerd!

Sh** I am not a nerd!!! Compared to the previous Bils I know, maybe this Bil is. NO WAY! Urgh!! I'm getting my life back! Demit!

I need to go back home,

and reformat myself.