What Indonesia means to me (Part I)

This gotta be the first part of the definition of where I focus on only certain fractions of what 'it' actually means to me.

1. Long time ago before I have much elements to gather into my (own) definition of Indonesia : Whenever 'the word' comes I only have pictures of my maids, my grandma's maids, my aunts' maids, my neighbours' maids, the maids I see every evening at the playground and every maids I knew.
   
   
2. Not very long time ago, anticipation grow. I imagine saloon, spas, traditional and cultural-rich people and places, variety of appetizing cheap-yet-inventive foods and of course the worst traffic jam in the world history.
   
   
3. Right now, Indonesia is no more than stress to me. If I have to spell it out, it would be STRESS with bold and capitals.
   
   
4. If I have to spell it again, it would be Undonesia. In which means, I AM NOT DONE (yet).
   
   
5. I swear I wouldn't have to spell it ever again once I am really done!
   
   
6. I always have this one huge imaginary clock ticking with the slowest most sluggish strikes – my own countdown timepiece. Countdown to graduation and leave this place for good.
   
   
7. Here is where I learn to diagnosed myself as 'under-depression', a psychotic syndrome and one of the etiology of schizophrenic.
   
   
8. Where I wake up every morning and have pressures delivered right on my doorstep.
   
   
9. The country of where the gravity attraction seems stronger resulting everything to weight heavier than it looks. You wouldn't have the idea how heavy the load burdens are although they are invisible.
   
   
10. Here, I live by sin. Whenever I was asked by the locals how do I find Indonesia (denoting that I compare Malaysia and Indonesia), I'd dishonestly answered "sama aja".
    
    
11. The place of no 'today'. I live here thinking of tomorrows and days ahead. Please, make my tomorrow.
    
    
12. Every footstep I take, is for a reason. And I have so many reasons.
    
    
13. Every rupiah I spent, is one step poorer.
    
    
14. Here, I have to draw a flow-map whenever I am hungry.
    
    
15. I seem to have coconut shell on my head… and one huge one surrounding my house, I'm living underneath it.
    
    
16. This is where I was programmed and trapped in this now metallic robotic body.
    
    
17. Where everyone expects everyone to be machine-like, strong, sleep-resistant, can complete bundles of workloads, and have memory of computerized-brain.
    
    
18. This may sound funny, but I do have 'emergency bag'. Earthquakes, volcanoes eruption, tsunami, who can tell exactly?
    
    
19. The country of multi racial and one of the most population, but not a single soul fits me.
    
    
20. The country of millions acres and millions of islands, but not an inch is a home for me.
    
    
21. This is where I believe to have hold my goals and my future, therefore, this is where I have to be.
    
    
22. The place I only be happy to be for the reason to make my parents enjoy their blissful days without me around.
    
    
23. And for my brothers and sisters to end their days of torment of having such (State your description of me here) sister.
    
    
24. Being here, is a disregarded waste, trash away just for the sake of checking out one of your trouble away.
    
    
25. Where I come to a realization of how important I am to myself. And appreciation to fakeness.
    
    
26. Your 'love' truthfully done nothing better but another heartache.
    
    
27. When I am here, and I know what's happening there, I freak. And even if I don't have any idea what's happening there, I still freaked out.
    
    
28. Where family nor friends can't perpetually keep me safe on the ground but prayers and reciting the holy Quran.
    
    
29. Where the only way to settled a problem is by forgetting it.
    
    
30. Here, is where I lost my home to.
    
    
31. Indonesia – Alhamdulillah I am alive.