Surgery comes to an end...

Bismillahi rahmanirahim…

Ok, let’s get started. No, I’m not going to write something like ‘it’s be ages since I last blogged *cry out loud*’, yes for crying out loud, it is obvious! So, no, not going to mention that on my epilogue this time.

There are redundant of events and matters occurrence during my last few months of blog-less. Too many to write, too many to tell, too hurt to remember, too sorry to be forgotten, too little to be kept and what matters is I was too busy to blog.

To start from where I stopped. Sounds like a real devastation to have failed my surgery pre-test uh? It was a big deal, but seems like almost 80% of those who have gone through the surgery department didn’t absolutely pass every exam, and consequently have to repeat at least one division. I’m not alone! Haha. Conversely, surgery department is the best major department (I must say). Am I into surgery? Yes, maybe.

First day - DONE

14 days - DONE

The best part of my surgery posting was the 2 weeks of internship. Everyone would have imagined of nightmares and themselves turning into zombies whenever they heard the word ‘internship’. It wasn’t that bad people, it was great indeed, trust me! Who said interns don’t get enough sleep? How much is ‘enough’ when you’re dealing with patients in their battle of life? Who said interns don’t get to bathe? I bathed twice a day and I even get to go to the saloon during my 8-hour hiatus. Now, let me tell you what me as a surgery intern got during my 2 weeks of being refugee in the hospital…

1.    1.  When the A & E (accident & emergency) is flooded with traumatic patients, the hall is horde with trolleys/beds that left the doctors with no space to run, so we literally had a little but quick brain game – to map out our way to avoid ‘cross-roads’ or stump upon vomits or blood on the floor.

2.     2. After inserting catheters into countless of urethras, I am now good at holding penises to semi-erection and distinguishing vaginas and urethras by locating the clitoris first.

3.     3.Inserting NGT (naso-gastro-tube) is no more a big deal. After getting the patient’s consent and prepared with all the procedure, all we have to tell the patient is

“Pas dirasak no sela ne nang tenggorokan, di-lek pak ngih? di-lek! Di lek pak! Di lek!” (agaknya kalau patient tu mat salleh, kita kena ajar dia pakai English and it’ll sound something like “when you feel the tube is already at your throat, just swallow okay sir? Swallow! Swallow sir!”)

and keep on pushing the tube through his nose into his throat until his stomach, and at the same time to encourage him to swallow

“di lek pak! Di lek! Ayo, di lek! Ya pinter, di lek lagi, ayo pak!” (again, if patient tu mat salleh, kita akan bagi dia semangat untuk menelan “swallow! Come on sir, swallow! Yes good, swallow again, come on sir!”)

Raw piece.

In progress.

Done!

4.    4.   Hecting / suturing / sewing is however my all time favourite! My first procedure was on a patient’s foot where he got skinned in a bizarre stellar shape. It was like connecting puzzle pieces and sew them back into a piece. The resident came to checked out my work and said

“dasar cewek! Hecting-nya rapi puol!” (“Typical girl, very neat suture”)

and of course I take that as a compliment. And that actually permitted me to start sewing on more delicate skins e.g face.

5.      5. Since we have orthopedics in our hospital, and the residents are not so affable to the interns or probably they are more independent, interns don’t get the chance for casting (you know, putting the bulky white cement on broken arms or legs…)

6.     6. I encounter bloods and broken bones with a straight face. I never thought I would react as such. It is no “Whoaaa” or ‘Aaaa!! Whattha?!” anymore

7.      7. I especially got irritated when they don't prepare the right size of glove. My hands are big I know... I need extra latex to cover them up.

I did a few lipoma excisions. (read my glove size)

 8. Besides smokers, rempits and reckless drivers are next in my hate list! Idiots! You guys should have thought of the people in the hospital who are trying to get some rest at night. We prefer to be served coffee rather than your bloody heads.

The next best thing about surgery are the residents and angelic nurses (at the ICU). Although some are snob, but most of them are helpful, friendly, approachable and just nice. I find myself still talking and never missed to say hi whenever we bump into each other along the aisle in the hospital or at the A & E or at the cafeteria or just anywhere. They ethically make good human relation.

Observing surgical procedures are one of my favourite part too. Awesomeness!

Surgeon-come-carpenter during cranioplasty

However, this is the part which is most probably will hold me back from becoming a surgeon. First, I don’t like to put on the green scrubs, so not sexy! Second, I don’t like the hectic working hour because I don’t think I’d like to wake up in the middle of the night to cut off someone’s scrotum to untwist the twisted duct at their testicles. Thirdly, I don’t like the unsociable cold life in the operation theater.

Thus, there was a bit on my surgery posting. Two months is too short, but I just had enough. After all, I rate this posting 7 ½  out of 10. The 2 ½ points were taken by my frustration of failing the inhumane pre-test results, and the ridiculous ‘absen malam’.

Sila sengetkan kepala anda

He has His plan…

I always believe that Allah knows best. For everything that happens, happened for a reason. For every test that he sent is specifically customized not to exceed one's capability. Unquestionably!

 

Things had not been so good lately...

Erstwhile, I question God why. Then, I stop wondering, and I start believing that He must have arranged an unexplainable perfect surprise that no one can ever think of – at least this keeps me at solace.

First, I failed my digestive surgery pre-test by 1 question. This results me to repeat one week of practical later before I registered myself for the graduation. And then, again I failed my urology surgery pre-test, again by one question to reach the passing mark of 80%. And yeah, another one week to repeat. Shit happens. Ye la... klau dah takde rezeki nak buat mcm mane? *sigh* Dah memang padan muke pun kot!

All I pray for is that I will manage to keep my sail smooth and graduate on time. I cannot afford to make any more mistakes in the future, be it just one freaking fault, or I'll have a very thin chance to graduate on time or in other word, extend my study.

It was indeed my first time in 5 years of medical school to face a what it's famously named 'failed' or 'failure'. The thought of keeping my record clean has been perfectly shattered. The bitterness is devastating, especially when you're just a point splits from the passing line, and that each question cost me an extra one week to be stranded. Since the test was a 'true/false' questions, it kept bothering my mind with "I could have had instead..." and "if only i...".

 

Nonetheless, being typically me-whose-always-right, I indirectly blame the system for giving an evaluation on my PRE-test result in which I haven't been handed any experience on, and thus failed me. It is rather a ridiculous and unfair trade I have to eventually succumb. Optimistically, I take this as a lesson, God has put it this way so that I would study harder and become smarter, this is in fact a benefit and hence defying me to be more heedful in the future. Not even a single mistake, no more!

Counting my blessings to know that what Allah has put me into (this failure and two extra weeks to repeat) is after all just a mild test for me to ail on and to shed tears for, as for other people out there might have been suffering a lot more than just failure.

Naqib told me that he is having an exam in two weeks time. The word 'exam' itself started to frighten me already. Being paranoid upon failing, before I could even reminded him to study hard and tawakal, I asked him 'what happened if he fails?'.

I didn't mean to expect any failure from him, I utterly believe my brother is very brilliant and ambitious and I know he will pass with flying colors, but I was just wondering if there is such rule in his school system about repeating the exam with an extra week to extend. He then told me that each paper cost £75, that if there is a need to repeat the exam.

"Whatttt tha fish??!"

I terus terdiam and terbeliak mata! If that is how much it cost, I rather stay an extra week in Indonesia than to cost my parents such amount! Seventy-five POUND STERLING is even crueler than one WEEK to extend! I suddenly feel ashamed of myself to whine upon my 'small' failure to my parents the other day. God has actually set my little brother to face even a bigger challenge than me!

Now I know why I was made to become a doctor but not an aircraft pilot, or I would loss more hair on my head. He needs to study extra-extra very smartly hard to excel. And that makes me pray an extra doa for him everytime. We can't afford to fail our parents anymore!

And then, there came more thwarting news for my housemate, Kim. The dispute of having a mother who's battling a cancer is never the same as failing an exam in school. It cost a lot more than £75 to cover and of a week to suffer. Concerning her mother's condition, she decided to take a leave from school and go back home to be there by her mother's side. It defies no explanation on how hard it was for her to decide between her responsibilities when she finally chose to lose a few months of her study for her loved-most mom.

Her mother who used to have a second stage breast cancer over a year ago had successfully undergone a mastectomy and series of chemotherapies, but little did anyone knows that the cancerous cells had metastases to her lung and diminish her health wholly. Now that the doctor has prognoses her with very thin chance of survival, and that what makes Kim finally decided to leave.

There is nothing much I can do to help her to get through this, but to continuously pray for the best for her and her whole family…

 

Then again, another upsetting news came. I was chatting with Wani the other day, and she told me about her friend's sister who just got involved in a motor accident. Though it doesn't directly involve me neither do I know this person personally, but I could just feel the sore when reading the blog. Likewise, this accident victim and I are both on the same journey through our 'Dokter Muda' years, except that she's studying in Medan, while I'm here in you-know-where. To be individually involved in as the subject of an upheaval event is even more tragic I reckon. Not just that she would have to extend her study and pay a heap amount for her treatment, but she must have lived with the trauma and everything that's affecting her mentally and physically.

 

This month, despite of the much devastation is indeed an eye-opening incident. Notwithstanding the continuous failures I've been through, I always have my parents especially to grab hold of my sanity and make me to open my eyes not only to see but to observe everything around me, the good, the bad and everything in between. Put my prospect the other way round, instead of always seeing the glass half-full, I learn how is it like to see it half-empty too.

 

Among the many motivations and encouragement I got from friends, one even told me to

"slow down, look out, other people have bigger problem than yours",

You see, sometimes words of encouragement is too much forceful. I think I am now need a more slow-and-steady kinda support. And Angah said

"it's not the end of the world yet".

Then mama and papa said

"Okay, dah, pegi tidur!"

Hah, betul jugak! Saya memang suka tidur. That is indeed the most comforting words I've ever got! Nanti kalau saya ada anak yang fail ujian, saya akan suruh dia pergi tidur, sebab tidur itu adalah ubat segala penyakit yang diakibatkan oleh peristiwa-peristiwa yang menyakitkan. OkiE dOkiE~

Last but not least, to those who are having difficulties in life…

"If, in spite of intense supplication, there is a delay in the timing of the Gift [al-'ata], let that not be the cause for your despairing. For He has guaranteed you a response in what He chooses for you, not in what you choose for yourself, and at the time He desires, not the time you desire." - The Hikam, Ibn 'Ata'illah, Chapter 1, 6.

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn".

Psychiatry comes to an end

This is yet one of the best posting I've ever had!

Rephrase, 'this is yet one of the funniest posting I've ever had – despite of a few despises'. First of all, it is what we called 'small lab', which psychiatry posting is not included in the four major departments. Everybody enjoys minor postings in the small labs/departments, less hassle, less anxious, less patients, less on-calls, more fun!

Secondly (should be foremost-ly), there is no resident doctors in psychiatry ward! Yayyy!!! You just have to understand how is it like to work with bunch of other 'students' who bossed around just because they get a lot of pressure from the supervisors, which they are trying to share the burdens with the pity little interns like us.

Thirdly (the most unique reason), our patients are our bundle of joy! wEe~ Honestly!!! Where can you find a flock of happy 'sick people' in the hospital who live in their very most ecstatic life and could fly to cloud nine? Mesti lah patient ruang 23 (a.k.a psychiatry ward). Excuse me when I addressed them as 'flock', I mean, they are so much like cheerful birds flying over their freedom without having anything to worry of. And one of the patients really could fly! Really! She 'flew' up into our class while we were having journal discussion, and offer herself to do the presentation.

Fourthly, the on-call didn't really as stressful too. I appreciate the fact that they provide a tolerable yet the most pleasing kamko (kamar koas) that is up to satisfactory. I never had to worry about not getting a good sleep while on-calls, because there are good bed with nice mattress, daily changed of bed sheets, blankets, pillows, and even bolsters! Not forgotten, a fan, a clean telekung and a sink.

Fifthly, I couldn't be luckier that the supervisor who examined me for my final assessment, was the most lenient, nicest and everyone's-favourite!

Apart of the many reasons to like my psychiatry posting, there was too the downbeat of it. Didn't I blogged enough about 'The Royal Highness' who always keep my blood flowing rapidly and my heart pumps vigorously? Yeah, that was distressing enough… but as always, to keep myself calm and insane over her psychotic reverse-psychology test, I take it as meagerly as it was never my fault, nevertheless sparingly her hormones to blame!

Psychiatry ward is not like any other wards. Now I get it why it is known as 'hospital bahagia' back in Malaysia. It is really that cheery! The patients are in high spirits, even some can be really harmful! Their stay are like living in hostels, they are free to roam around the hospital, even out of the hospital to buy foods. There will be morning psychotherapy where they will be assembled and conducted to exercise or dancing together.

One morning about 4:15am, I woke up and making my way to the surau for subuh, where I realized one of the patient just came out from the bathroom, all drenched in singlet and kain pelekat, and said,

"Ayo ke kantor!" (lets go to the office)

"Kok pagi banget ke kantor mas?" I replied,

"Iya, biar ngak macet"

Still in his all drenched singlet and kain pelekat, he grabbed a helmet, put it on, and walk to the bench in the other corner of the garden, sit there pretending like he was driving a motorcycle. Memang lah pakcik ni tau, subuh2 dah buat orang ketawa nak terberak!

About 15 minutes after I came back from the surau, he was sitting still on the bench, still with the helmet on. Mungkin dia belum sampai office lagi, memang betul la ada traffic jam dalam perjalanan dia tu kot…

The same patient, will 'answer his phone' whenever he heard anyone's handphones ringing.

One of them likes to swim with the fish in the pond but claim himself cleaning the pond.

Some of them claimed to be close to God that whenever she prays God will directly answer, some of them are obsessed over getting into the military, some wants to have a boyfriend so badly, some wants to become a secretary so much, some believes that he has a serious bowel disorder and wanted to undergo a surgical procedure so badly, many 'see' and 'hear' things… all of them are unique in their own way, and they behave so hilariously! Serious comel, tak tipu!!!

Not to mention, one of the 'luckiest' experience was to be in that posting while Sandi was recovering. He is the world's famous smoking baby for crying out loud! He's fine now, at least he hasn't been asking to smoke for 31 days when I last asked his parents. Hopefully everything goes well with him and his family, in their new house, with new environment. Start a new life Sandi! You're only 3 for God's sake!

Okay, dah malas nak tulis lagi. Over all, I rate this posting 8 ½ out of 10. One point is taken off by the infuriating Royal Highness and another half point is for not having that much to learn since the mental scope is still quite ambiguous for me.

Life’s jest

This sounds crazy, but I just became the mayor of the psychiatry ward in the hospital of where I'm practicing. Didn't know that wards need a mayor though – Foursquare is nonsensically fun! Oh, not to miss, I am also the mayor of the fitness center where I trained, LOL now?!

Meh sini siapa ada masalah jiwa, sila bayar cukai!

Siapa nak kurus dan badan yang fit, sila bayar cukai ke mayor baru anda...

I think I had just enough laugh for today (although the 4sq @ Foursquare thingy is not 'that' so funny anyways). Well, I think I had the most obscured laugh this whole month!!! This is yet the best posting ever – psychiatry, you rock my socks! Walaupun sebenarnya tak pernah pon pakai socks pergi kerja… jap, rephrase – psychiatry, you rock my crocs! That's better.

Since I've done my psychiatry bed-side and conference exams on Tuesday, it feels like majority of the work pressure has been relinquished off me. Regarding my psychiatry exam, I thank God big time that I was examined by nicest and the most lenient supervisor from the department. Although I might have a lot of laughter and sweetest time this whole month in the department, I must say that being given such a-heaven-sent examiner is the sweetest of all! Alhamdulillah… 

 

I am supposed to keep my 'Psychiatry comes to an end' entry for tomorrow, but I can't retain myself from blogging about what has happened today. It might not be the funniest experience, but it is quaintly hilarious I'm sure.

So, today we didn't spend much time with the patients in the ward nor attaining the clinic because we had some presentation and discussion over some journals. The first journal was just 'too much too high' for my level, it's something about the conscious, subconscious mind, quantum conscious, metaphysics, energy, midbrain, and all the stuff that can only make me go

"err… what?" and

"whattha?" or

"I thought I signed up for medic school, isn't this engineering or paranormal activity or what??!"

Our supervisor was so engross with it, but when it comes to Q&A, all of us seemed blurry (bukan all the time pon students akan buat muke pandai-padahal-blur and tanak tanya questions ke lepas presentation??!)

After lunch, we proceed to the next journal which was about hallucination – yeah, this is what I called psychiatry! However though, my lunch needed more oxygen for assimilation and metabolism I reckon, to the extent that my brain need to give up and therefore, I got so freaking sleepy and couldn't concentrate but just chitchatting with my friend.

Suddenly…

A patient directly entered the class. Terkejut beruk semua orang! Wah kok bisa sampe ke sini?? Terus terbeliak mata I, and dah tak jadi ngantuk! Mata semua orang pon terbeliak kot tengok budak tu tiba-tiba terceguk dekat depan kelas… nasib baik takde mata orang yang sampai tercabut keluar dari soket. Alhamdulillah…

"Lho, ngak bisa masuk ke sini"

"Aku mau presentasi" – the 16 year-old patient said.

Nak ketawa sampai terberak tak?? But as usual, we as politely hold back our hysterical laughs and just let out a little chortle.

Was I a color-blind?

Rise and shine!!
Good morning world! How do you like the smell of a hot brewed jasmine tea in the morning?


I just came back from the hospital and as usual, I'm having this post on-call euphoria that I can't get myself to sleep nor to concentrate on something.

Therefore I blog.

Oh right before this I was browsing through, getting an answer to my weird curiosity. It was about the difference of the Italian flag and Irish flag. So I thought of sharing this not so important knowledge to whom who might not know (yet)!

Am I the only one who just knew that the Irish last vertical was actually an orange??

Lorr ingatkan sama! Iya2lah, mana mungkin bendera dua negara yang berbeda itu bisa sama! Aduh Bil!




Was I a color-blind before?

Learn more :
http://www.mapsofworld.com/flags/italy-flag.html

http://www.mapsofworld.com/flags/ireland-flag.html



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Nothing about this Sunday, so I press rewind to the previous one

I should make use of this Sunday. I mean… today. I should study for psychiatry examination next week.
 

Gila, next week = tomorrow! Waaaa!!! Why must I always have to do something so crazy? Didn't I promised myself a gazillion times that I have to kill that word away?! That 'procrastination' comes and go in my dictionary, but it seems to stay longer that its disappearance. OH GOD, BIL, WAKE UP!!!
 

Okay, let's not to worry about that just yet… (and continue blogging… lalala~)

I just had instant noodle, remember that Indomie I was blogging about? Today, I had flavor Coto Makassar for lunch. Yeah, without having to fly a hundred miles to get to Makassar, I can cook it on my own, at home!

Eee... shedapnyierr! *air liur meleleh2* tapi mama punya mihun goreng Singapore lagi sedap tak boleh nak lawan! tak boleh!

 

Last week, somewhere around this time, I had the scrumptious-oh-so-mouth-watery Malay tomyam fried biehoon, hawker style at Malay Village in Sutos. Yes, without having to fly a thousand miles to Malaysia, I had it in Surabaya. Just a 2-hour drive from here. Siapa kata kena balik Malaysia?? Look, I survived 8 months straight! EIGHT months baby! Kalau pregnant ni mesti dah nak meletop dah! Have I ever been here for that long before? *tepukan gemuruh and standing ovation* I am a survivor, and I gonna survive another 12 months before I can come back for good. Go Bil go! (with Survivor series theme song howling as the background theme song for Bil's surviving event – Oo eeOoo e'o e'o e'o Aaa Ee Oo)

Talking about last Sunday, yes I successfully managed to find my way to Pasuruan for the home-visit. The morning before we left, I called the contact number given to confirm my appointment with my patient's family. Little did I knew that it was the Pak Lurah (head of the district) I called. Without hesitation, he agreed to accept our visit and helped us a lot with the directions.

The road to success (ye la kan...) 

After all, it wasn't that hard for find the place. Thanks to the Pak Lurah. I was all so excited, I could feel the heat the moment we steer the car into the red-mud street. It was aweseome! We were greet with a warm welcome and the atmosphere were so convivial. I bet half the villagers were there to welcome us!
Cool takkk? Cakap la cool… cool kan?

 These are the family members and the Pak Lurah

Aside from the family members, the Pak RT (Rukun tetangga) was there too! Cool, more feeds in, as if the whole villagers are acquainted with my patient – that close! What's more surprising was that, we were served with a loooot of banana fritters (4 pinggan pisang goreng tu tak tahannn! Padahal tetamu ade 2 je!), not by the host, but from the neighbours! Chup chup, nak fikir jap… *garu dagu* pernah ke I datang rumah jiran belakang rumah pastu jamu tetamu dia makan? Ewah ewah!

Kesian budak kecik tu kena tempek bedak dekat muka dia...

 

At first I thought that it wouldn't be so necessary to go for this home-visit thingy as I already anamnesis my patient and his grandmother completely on the day when they came to visit to the hospital, and besides Pasuruan is not near and I am never familiar with that place. Then Frente insisted me to go, and kindly offered a hand. I was persuaded when she said that 'The Royal Highness' (as a psychiatrist) might know if I am that assertive to my patient just by reading my expression. Oh okay2, takut nanti terkantoi sebab tak pegi home-visit, I terus setuju! Setuju! Ayo kita ke sana!

From Pasuruan, we head to mana lagi kalau bukan ke Surabaya! Yayyy!

Lots of catching ups to do! First thing first – watch Ironman 2. We drove straight to Sutos and got us a couple of tickets. Nice seats! Ironman 2 – checked! After lunch and movie, we moved to TP. I love the smell… I love the ambiguous smell of shopping malls. Smell? Hmm… or is it just my hallucination?

Seats on A row are the furthest from the screen... ours are P! Kalau tengok concert best jugak dekat2!

 

The second reason was to catch Robin Hood. Eventually, the tickets were selling fast like hot cakes, and luckily we managed to get some seats, having said that the 2nd row from the screen! Lantak lah, nak tengok jugak!!! Terdongak-dongak kepala, terpusing-pusing badan dekat kerusi, tapi dapat tengok! Robin Hood – checked!

Sebagai seorang penggemar durian, saya mencintai durian dalam segala aspek! (kecuali tempoyak, please!)

The third reason was to eat durian goreng! Durian goreng for the dessert after buckets of dimsums for dinner. Yummy!! Durian goreng – checked!

(Back to this week) This whole week was all about completing my responsi, in which I managed to typed it out in one night.

My 4 previous blog entries are all about this!

 

This is it, a big huge thank to Frente for making this fun and easy for me to be drawn against That Royal Highness.

Ooookay dah! Pegi belajar skrang!

Presentation continued…

About yesterday's presentation - phewH~ (sambil mengesat peluh yang menitik macam peluh Lee Chong Wei), Alhamdulillah it's over and done! (chup chup! Not so 'done' yet, exam starts on this coming Mondayyghhh!!)

So, you asked, was it a 'kao kao attack' or an 'abugit'? Well, too good to be true, I got neither of those! But knowing her, yes she did 'make up' comments about my work though!

Why was she so fierce and pointing up bazooka at the other who presented their assignments before me the day before, but not 'that' so fierce to me and Rou yesterday?

1. Apparently, she gives a very deep attack (I mean, she really emphasize) on how to be a good doctor from the most important aspect of treatment which is 'anamnesis' a.k.a 'history taking'. It depends on our skills of digging a good story and history of a patient. Therefore we got to state our dialogue in our presentation and she'll evaluate every single word we use, on how we tackle in with the questions and the flow of our conversation – yeah, to that extend detail!

Call me lucky and envy me, my patient is deaf and mute (not mute actually, but he has speech problem). Therefore I got to skip the autoanamnesis (direct history taking) and jumped to heteroanamnesis (interviewing the family member), hence left her (the Royal Highness of pengangat bulu roma) with no aim to attack me on that particular section. Yayy!!!

 

However though, I still did carry out a few actions of contact with my patient to evaluate his mental status so that I can eliminate the differential diagnose of autism. No, from my evaluation, he is not an autistic (like what the previous psychiatrist diagnosed him).

 

As for Rou, she did a very magnificent interview with her patient that none of us thought of asking such questions. Eventually, that Royal Highness still had some holes to pick on her, but not to that extend that she (Rou) got an abugit from her. Applause to us!

Diagnose yang 'ditunda'

The best part was… both our diagnoses are wrong, Lol! Not that so wrong but she refused to accept. I knew I shouldn't have diagnosed my patient before I referred him for further check-ups at the ENT and Rehab center, but I simply did because from the psychiatry aspect, his symptoms are perfectly clear!

And to cover her vast of egos, she didn't even suggest me any working diagnoses, instead she canceled up my diagnoses and wrote there 'ditunda'! Whatta??! That is so unprofessional!!!

2. Another reason why she wasn't 'that' so fierce yesterday probably because we had it early in the morning when the temperature wasn't high enough to boil her temper.

3. And third, probably because we held it at her place with her perfect (not so perfect though) ying and yang and her Royal Highness aura tingling in the air!

Abuuuuuugit!

It was quite a stressful day… (bukan 'quite' dah, memang SANGAT stressful pon!) we had our case presentation this evening. Yes, evening! Not morning, and luckily not night. And yes, with whoelse if not Your Highness (si madam yang boleh menegangkan bulu roma).

 

Since it was too late in the evening, our report had to be continued tomorrow, early morning, as early as 7am. Oh man, memang demanding. Dah la besok public holiday, pastu kena sambung presentation plak tu, pagi-pagi buta plak tu and part paling tak boleh bla is, dekat rumah dia plak tu!!! Isk isk isk… 

And the worse thing is that, it will be my turn then!

Just now, things went more extreme than how I thought it would be, she did not just fired the presenters with that kinda 'kao kao attack' but it was more like 'ABUUUGIT'!! If only forces are visible, I bet those people would have been admitted with multi-fractures (imagine those pitiful presenters with all extremities in cemented gips and hanging by their beds – kesian… kesian…).

Hah, tak payah nak 'kesian… kesian…' dkt orang lain. Besok memang kau punya turn Bil! Rasakan kehebatan abugit beliau yang memang mempunyai tekanan 100 tera-Pascal.

Back from the hospital this evening (record hari ini balik paling lambat – 4 pm), I swore that I would revise my assignment and study very hard so that I can answer every of her questions perfectly with full of confident. However, after dinner… American Idol's on TV!! Memang tergugat iman nak belajar. After American Idol is done, Kak Shida came, so the whole housemates hangover the couches to catch up with her. Memang sah akan kena abugit besok!

Apparently, when I got back to my workstation, papa called and I had video conference with him. Papa showed me old photos of him and practically started to introduced me to whoever I might not know, I might not remember, and those who existed before me. It was always a stress-therapy to get to have this kinda family-time, therefore I stayed on video for almost hour and a half acknowledging my atok-nenek-moyang & Co.

So, it started with this family portrait... arrow pointing at that very little girl who happened to grow up to be my Tok Puan! Comelnya nenek ku!

"Haaa ni Bil tau sape! This is arwah Nyang!", this explains my expression. My great grandmother, who just passed away somewhere around hmm... last 2 years?

This is my great great grandmother! She is in fact lived til the evolution of colored-photo printing.

"Woooo! Sultan Johor pakai shorts lah weyh!!!" So that's Sultan Abu Bakar, and that arrow shows my great grandfather. Taktau la dia buat ape mencelah dkt situ...

Well, this is something to be proud of. My late grandfather with his fellow writer friends. He even had a pen-name (which is obviously not 'Chedet'). Guess who wrote your high-school novel Konserto Terakhir??!

And before I bid good night to papa, he showed me this Scottish family portrait, and can you spot something 'sneaky' about it? Selamat mencari dan ketawa terbahak2!

Okay, sudah! Harus tidur yang cukup, besok akan lebih semangat untuk presentation. Good night!

Entry panjang labuh oleh patient Manic-Depressive Bipolar Disorder

Let's see what I have been up to for these past few days...

I've been having cold sweats & shivering! Mungkin kerana sangat takut dgn supervisor psyche yg satu tu! Yang mana? Yg tu tu tu *tOot*!

Ada ke supervisor lain yang dapat menegakkan bulu roma? Ya saya seekor manusia yang berrevolusi menurut teori Darwin – bila Angah busy untuk bersama-sama ke Bangsar untuk meng'threading' segala bulu-bulu yang tidak berpatutan, kami akan merasakan diri kami tak tumpah seperti seekor orang utan. Wah, tak 'tumpah'! Dimanapun tumpahnya kuah kalau bukan ke nasi, pasti dimarahi mama "biasssse dia!", Okay fine, dah melalut! Back back and close the bracket please... ) eh, bila masa pulak ada buka bracket?

 

So back to the supervisor story, she is what I can categorized as one of my (dan mereka yg lain juga) extrinsic sympathetic factors! She causes piloerection (mujurlah saya seorang perempuan... - heh????).

Back to my main question (dah melalut agak jauh dari persimpangan delima - melalut lagi, fine, stop!) okay, where was I again? Oh the shivering part... Maka tersebutlah kisah setelah bertemu untuk pertama kakinya (excuse moi, spelling error yang memang disengajakan), we were very annoyed by her microphone implanted vocal cord, everyone started to show some criteria(s) to be diagnosed as 'Generalized Anxiety Disorder' whenever she is within our 5 meter radius, iaitu suatu gangguan jiwa yang termasuk dalam bahagian Neuroses bukan psychoses (kalau anda bukan medic student, sabar je la ye…), and that is especially appointed to me, ye saya hampir menjadi patient saya sendiri di wad psychiatry dengan gangguan cemas menyeluruh (ini Bahasa Indonesianya bagi 'GAD' – huh tu pun nak kena bagitau ke?)!

Tapi orang kata, orang gila tak akan mengaku dirinya gila! Alhamdulillah saya mengaku gila, maknanya saya tak gila lah! Kan? Kan? Why is there 'especially' me who got the GAD? Simply because ALL (yes babe, ALL a.k.a SEMUA!) of my assignments are under her supervision. SubhaAllah Maha Suci Allah yang menjadikan alam semesta, memang rezeki I lah! Rezeki jangan ditolak, musuh jangan dicari (pesanan dari TV pendidikan).

 

Ok fine, firstly the KPDM (kuliah pendamping dokter muda), then the journal reading x 2 and finally the 'responsi' (something like a case report), she'll be seeing me (yeap, for more positive vibe I reversed that sentence, instead of 'I'll be seeing her') until she got bored of my face and muntah2 darah to always have to see me in my there-must-be-something-pink attire.

Excuse me, I must not always wear something pink, but since she had warned us to wear 'ceria-meria' and 'tolong hindari pakeian hitem karena pasien mu disini depresi malah tambah depresi nanti liat dokternya item-item', so therefore i wear pink because I don't have rainbow color formal wear, sowwy :( ! kalau saya ada baju clown, pasti saya akan datang berpakaian seperti seorang badut, demi patient semua, semoga kamu semua ceria selalu!! ^_^

Kan dah kata, saya akan pakai pink untuk kelihatan lebih ceria. Walaupun skirt saya hitam, tapi tetap ada polka dots pink! Sila abaikan flip flop itu, saya tidak segila itu untuk memakai flip flop bulu-bulu ke hospital.

Talking about working attire, I thought I have already passed the 'what-to-wear-to-work' era, thanks to the white coat which covers every wrinkle on my cotton baju kurung and cloaking my funny-ly matched blouses and skirts. Jas putih membuat diriku tampil lebih PD! Eh, tiba-tiba terkeluar bahasa indon pulak!

Mempersembahkan, koas psychiatry ceria! Dengan fashion 'sambil menyelam hisap lollipop', lagi trend lho!

Jadi, kenapa bila pakai coat saya rasa lebih kondifen (maksud saya 'confident', maklumlah saya tak lulus Bahasa Inggeris masa SPM dulu… )? Sebab, sebagai seorang yang mempunyai ukuran badan yang agak 'drastic', saya mempunyai masalah dengan blouse yang butang di depan. Mungkin anda tidak akan faham masalah saya, cuma orang (wanita sahaja ya) yang senasib sahaja bisa mengerti. Sehingga saya perlu memakai safety pin di antara butang-butang baju saya untuk mengelakkan perkara yang tidak diingini terjadi. Kes rogol kan semakin meningkat, kenapa ya? Ciss, apa nih?! Tak ada kena-mengena tau dengan bahan perbincangan kita hari ini! Kadang-kadang, oleh kerana terlampau leceh untuk pasang safety pin, saya menjahitkan butang extra di antara butang-butang yang tersedia. Saya memang adalah masalah!

Your si jantung manis (sila muntah) mental consultant with another ceria fashion style. sob.. sob.. (lap hingus)

So where were we again? Oh the 'what-to-wear-to-work' era… According to that one very particular psyche supervisor, besides wearing clown's costume to the psychiatry ward (did I just say 'clown's costume'? well I mean, ceria-meria and not black), you have to wear your coat's sleeves according to your blouse's sleeves. She is annoyed to see long sleeves blouse under a short sleeves coat. Why? IDK! From my opinion, she has a low threshold of irritability, everything irritates her so that easily! Suka hati kau lah labu… layan kan je~

 Aya caramba Mister Potato! Trend masa kini dengan topi Nabil Raja Lawak, misai Datuk K dan gothee Fahrin Ahmad tidak dilupakan. Memang wallah~

One more thing, she is annoyed to see hair-on-the-loose! Maksudnya, rambut panjang yang tidak diikat. From my opinion, our dangerously long beautiful hair is envious to her, and again irritates her. Hah, macam-macam lah you ni, semuanya tak puas hati!

Bila pakai coat, kita boleh pakai sleeveless! Kalau pakai sleeveless coat pun tak mungkin akan nampak sleeve baju di luar coat kan? Tapi mungkin akan nampak ketiak! Oh no!

Tapi di situlah masalahnya… saya suka pakai coat yang berlengan pendek, tetapi kebanyakan blouse saya berlengan panjang. Jadi macam mana ni?? Kan dah jadi masalah besar! Every morning I wake up, I'd have problem sorting and mix-matching my outfits, and thinking of how to do my hair (did I ever told you that I'll hire a hairdresser to go with me everywhere once I reach a 5-digit salary?), especially in these two weeks – because I'll be working in the clinic where I'll be bumping into her everyday. Aiyayayay yo!

Nak ceria-meria dengan warna-warni dan rambut diikat seperti ekor keldai? Nah hambik ni! Saya pakaikan beading bracelet di ekor donkey. Semoga semua patient ceria! ^_^ Senyummmm!

Alright, back to the assignments thingy, the KPDM is finally done after two meetings. In which other groups done theirs in only one meeting. Takpe, sebab kita pandai pasal tu KPDM kita 2 kali pertemuaan baru habis! Followed by 'responsi' presentation tomorrow. WaAAaa besok lah gila!!! Pegi belajar la si bijak bestari! Habis arrr besok kena kao kao attack baru padan muke you nyah! And journal reading on Saturday (oh my sat-oh-dey will be gone!).

The good thing is, I've done just done with my responsi last night, finished at about 12:30am. And then I couldn't get to sleep due to the adequate dose of caffeine. Adequate! one sachet nescafe 3in1 in 1 mug.

Okay, saya dah penat. Exhausted! Setelah penat ber-blogging dengan afek/emosi dalam keadaan manic, sekarang saya akan men-depresi-kan diri, maksudnya, tidur petang... Daa~

p/s: My Bahasa Melaysia is a chaos! Hah, kan dah salah eja. Ade ke Melaysia? Malaysia la! Next time if I need a more serious post, I better avoid using BM or the whole entry will look like this! LIKE THIS – super long and madness and makes me sound as if I'm suffering from BPD a.k.a Bipolar Disorder, manic onset!

Where on Earth? (Sakit Jiwa!%@$#^*&)

I'm finding a way to a patient's house for a home-visit. It is very very very frustrating that the area is not even listed in the Google Map. Where on Earth am I heading??!

It started yesterday when the fiercest supervisor came to visit the department (she is that famous that I actually once blogged about her, read – "Dilarang Masuk?!")

I loved psychiatry posting! I love the patients, the study, the ward, the working environment, my colleague,the (other) supervisors, the fact that psychiatry has no residents, the working hour, and even the on-calls, until… yesterday.

Hatiku hancur berkecai! Damn!

Everyone was so fierce that morning, waiting in the meeting hall. Some rushed from home, some rushed from the café with half-chewed food still in their mouths, some hurried just to show up from in the middle of nowhere. We only got the news few minutes before she walked in, it was like a hurricane, run for your lifeeee! Everybody rushed into the hall like there was a tornado outside – although we obviously know that a greater tornado is about to hit inside the room!

She came in with her psycho fierce look. Her voice, oh God, her voice!
Does she has a microphone implanted in her vocal cord?!

Every word she said, came out vigilantly, she spoke to us like a mayor in an election campaign – very swiftly, very clear, very loud, boisterous and perpetually goosebumpings. As I am a hairy girl, I hate when I got piloerections!

Have you seen the movie Matilda? Remember Miss Trunchbull?

Then we had a sudden-pre-test right on that hour. With two blank papers, questions directly from her mouth and we had to straight away write down the answer on the sheets within a couple of minute – taktau la I jawab apa, Wallauhualam diikuti dengan Bismillahi tawakkaltualaiAllah. Not enough with the heart-attacking test, she accused us to cheat on the test, reversing our psychology, and talked on politics and corruption. URGH!

Before she left, she specified in criteria for our assignments. That was the most bullshitting part I've ever got! My assignment is almost done, and now everything has to re-do! Not re-do, but re-start! All over again! For God's sake, I was asked (more to like ordered) to look for psychiatry cases in paediatrics. In which means, I have to find a patient under the age of 14. Where? That depends on my luck!

I ran up to the psychiatry clinic, sitting and waiting, hoping that some kids with a mental problem will come… Allah listened and answered me (Alhamdulillah, Amin!) with not one, but two kids with Autism and Mental Retardation! But there came another problem – home visit! Those two little mentals came from God-knows-where-but-me. Each lived in two different areas, in which each place is not less than an hour drive from Malang (it's like from Subang Jaya to Londang. Know where Londang is? Google it then!). Well, as if I have a car here??!!! How did I get myself to visit their homes if I don't even know where there are?

This is how 'near' it looks from Malang to Pasuruan!

Since Frente offered to help me find the place, therefore I think I gotta Google for the map and find out the path to get there. However, the freaking place called 'Kesek' in the Pasuruan is not even in the 90% Zoom of the Google Earth Map. So, where on Earth do my patient live?? (ish, exaggerating plak dah!)

Emo... Emo... Emo...